


I Will Walk This Cruel Path For You

by Liza_Taylor



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Animal Transformation, Bernadetta von Varley Needs a Hug, Blood and Violence, Crests (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), F/M, Gen, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Post-Canon, Post-Golden Deer Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Sylvain Jose Gautier, Self-Harm, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:35:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24026737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liza_Taylor/pseuds/Liza_Taylor
Summary: “Bernadetta now has two crests.”“She…what?” Sylvain stared at Byleth, waiting for a punchline.“Besides her own, she now also has the crest of the beast, Marianne’s crest."~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sold to Those Who Slither in the Dark by her father, Bernadetta is implanted with the crest of the beast. Saved from their clutches, Sylvain vows to stay by her side upon her recovery. However, the crest of the beast comes with side effects of its own, Bernadetta unwillingly transforming into a beast when stressed. While Sylvain struggles to help her, Bernadetta comes to her own conclusion about the monster she has become and wonders if she is worth being saved after all...Tags will be updated as I write.
Relationships: Annette Fantine Dominic/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Minor or Background Relationship(s), My Unit | Byleth/Claude von Riegan, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty much the other side to my werewolf Sylvain, story, with transformed Bernie...with a heck of a lot more angst. I'm keeping it an M rating because it will probably get pretty dark thematically. I also know Marianne's crest probably doesn't work this way but I'm playing with the function of her crest a bit for this one.

Bernadetta stepped into the parlor room and stopped, her instincts telling her to flee. Her father sat on a couch, two strange men dressed in familiar dark robes standing at attention. They turned to Bernadetta, their smiles sending chills down her spine.

“This is my daughter,” said Count Varley roughly, not looking her in the eye.

“The family resemblance is strong,” said one of the men.

Bernadetta stiffened, suddenly remembering where she had seen those robes before. These people were members of Those Who Slither in the Dark! She took a step back, fear coursing through her and she wished she had her bow.

“Thank you for complying with our request,” said one of the men with a smile. “And here you are, the deed to the Varley land. You must really work on making sure it is in a safe place, you wouldn’t want others to get a hand on it.”

“Father…what’s…”

Count Varley ignored Bernadetta as he was hyper focused as he took the rolled up piece up paper and carefully opened it. “Thank you,” he murmured.

Bernadetta’s thoughts flashed back to her childhood and she turned to run as she felt the traces of magic touching her brain before she blacked out.

***

Sylvain adjusted the collar of his suit jacket. It was way too close to his neck and way too tight.

“Why did we have to get dressed up as well?” grumbled Felix from next to him. The party to celebrate Claude and Byleth’s engagement was in full swing, the castle hall filled with nobles and commoners alike. Music was playing from a live band, a whole table had a spread of every possible food under the sun, including many cuisines from Almyra. Being the adventurous sort, Sylvain had tried a couple and reeled back in the amount of flavor packed into those meats and curries. How did people eat that without having their mouth be on fire!?

“Well, we’re honored guests that helped the Professor and Claude stop Edelgard and then helped stopped an ancient evil being from rising up and destroying the world?” Sylvain frowned. “Wait, should we be calling Claude, his majesty now since he’s the King of Almyra or whatever?”

“How should I know? At least the Professor doesn’t mind being called by her name. And Claude is going to be the King of Fodlan too so he would be his majesty for us.”

Sylvain rubbed the back of neck. This was way too complicated for him. He spotted a girl in the crowd and she gave him a small wave and he reciprocated with one of his own but didn’t walk over to her to say hello. Probably one of the girls he had bedded during their days at the officers academy or maybe one of the ones he met regularly during the war? Well, either way he didn’t care about rekindling old flames now, especially since he was looking for someone in particular.

“There she is,” murmured Felix.

Sylvain turned and spotted Annette in the crowd, talking to Mercedes. He couldn’t help the small grin as he noticed his friend’s face took on a hint of red. Not like Sylvain could blame him, Annette was in a sparkling blue floor length dress, her hair styled up and held together with a pin.

“Now don’t you get cold feet now,” he said with a chuckle, elbowing Felix in the side. Felix had started courting Annette after the war, their relationship going forward at a snails pace. Not from a lack of trying on Annette’s part, Felix was surprisingly old fashion about this and wanted to “do it right”. Sylvain wasn’t even sure if they kissed yet.

After sending his friend on his way, Sylvain began actively searching the crowd for the girl he was waiting for. Where in the world was Bernie? Hopefully she wasn’t delayed, although Bernie was the type of person to get somewhere early and then just hang around until it was time for the event. Knowing her, she would have arrived yesterday!

Sylvain debated if it would be wise to seek her out in the crowd or not. They had planned to meet up by the food tables and he really didn’t want to leave and possibly miss her. He waited for another ten minutes before deciding to wander the hall a bit. Maybe she was stuck in another corner, her anxiety too great to cross it to find him.

“Don’t worry Bernie, I’ll save you,” he murmured to himself as he took a walk around the hall. Oddly enough he couldn’t find her anywhere. He even asked a few of his friends but they denied seeing her either. Did Bernie just not come? That wasn’t like her, she had promised Sylvain in their latest correspondence that she would let him lead her in a dance. She was never one to go back on her word, especially since they had not seen each other in the past two months. He had even got his outfit specially made to match the dress she was going to wear.

“Excuse me? Sylvain Gautier?”

He turned to the voice and saw it was one of the royal guard. “Uh yes?”

“If you will follow me, her majesty, Queen Byleth would like word with you.”

***

Byleth was not expecting to have to do work during her engagement party. She was in the dress specially commissioned for this day, the creamy fabrics accented with lace and beadwork and it contrasted perfectly with Khalid’s Alymran based clothing filled with bright colors and appliqued designs. They were supposed to be out in the hall, hearing congratulations and accepting warm wishes and dancing until their feet hurt. Instead they were holed up in the war room, looking at a map along with a few letters from the local spy network.

“I think Sylvain’s here,” said Khalid, looking to the door.

Less than a moment later, the guard they sent to get him walked in with Sylvain a few steps behind him. After a quick bow to Byleth and Khalid, he turned and left, most likely to stand guard outside.

Sylvain whistled. “Look at you Professor.”

“Sheesh, I’m right here.” Khalid rolled his eyes.

“Sorry, couldn’t see you there Claude, the Professor’s beauty is too blinding.”

“Oh I know she is.” Khalid gave Byleth a soft smile before his expression darkened as he focused on the matter at hand. “Teach?”

“Sylvain, you might want to sit down for this.” Byleth gestured to the chair by the wall.

“Huh?” Sylvain looked back and forth between them, obviously trying to figure out what was going on.

“Trust us on this one,” said Khalid.

“If you say so.” Sylvain slowly sat down, obviously waiting for a punchline of some kind.

“There is no easy way to say this and I debated on telling you, but due to your closeness with her I thought it would be important for you to know.” Byleth looked Sylvain in the eye. “We have news that Bernadetta has been taken by Those Who Slither in the Dark.”

Byleth saw emotions flick over Sylvain’s face. Shock, surprise, denial, fear. Every possible emotion one could possibly have was there in his expression.

She glanced at Khalid, remembering how earlier, he argued against getting Sylvain involved. Yes he was a strong fighter with a relic but he was laid back, a skirt chaser who was more a liability than not in a serious situation like this. Byleth knew the truth though. Sylvain had confined in her about the reason why he was the way he was. She was also aware of how much Bernadetta meant to him. As an observant individual, Byleth had noticed how he would always go out of his way to make sure she was okay and even on the battlefield, he would always stay close to her. Of course he argued that as a sniper, having her on the back of his horse as well meant she could shoot without having to worry about getting away from the enemy but Byleth had noticed how he would protectively keep an arm around her waist or shelter her body with his when they were under attack. This was not a casual friendship in anyway although there were denials and no references of them courting each other.

“What?” Sylvain said finally. “What do you mean she has been taken?”

Khalid picked up one of the many reports on the war room table. “Despite the main branch of Those Who Slither In The Dark being removed from power, there are still a few stragglers causing havoc here and there. We’ve discovered another plot currently in the works, there have been a few kidnappings in the countryside, a few individuals being sold to them for money or deeds to lands among other things. From what we can gather, those are usually tricks, whoever the member is, they have powerful magic at their side.”

“We’ve been complying reports for about a month or so, trying to come up with a list of everyone taken to try to figure out a pattern for these attacks. We’ve also been confirming with everyone from our group that was involved with the war.” Byleth’s eyes darkened. “Bernadetta and Marianne are the only two unaccounted for.”

“But how do you know she was taken? It could just be that her father is being an asshole and didn’t let her come. Or he’s punishing her for something.” Sylvain’s hands curled in his and based on the way his eyes darkened, it was clear he was aware of what kind of person Bernadetta’s father was. Byleth had to agree with that sentiment, he was on the list of people she wanted removed from power.

“We had someone check the Varley manor after we got word that two men in black robes were spotted in the area.” Khalid rubbed the back of his head, obviously uncomfortable. “Based on eyewitnesses and a report by Count Varley himself…” He paused and looked at Byleth, clearly asking with his eyes if she wanted to explain it.

Byleth took the report, lifted up the hem of her dress and walked over to Sylvain and handed it to him.

Shakily he took it, his eyes skimming the words on the page. “This…no. No, it can’t be…” The paper wrinkled as he balled his hands into fists, his eyes blazing with an anger Byleth had not seen before. “That son of a bitch,” he growled.

Byleth could understand his sentiment. Count Varley had apparently lost the deed to the property and the two members of Those Who Slither In The Dark had arrived a few days later with the deed in hand. They offered a deal, they would give the deed back but in exchange Count Varley had to give them Bernadetta. Count Varley was a cowardly man who chose his fortune over his daughter. Byleth also suspected there might be magic involved but it was hard to say for sure with all the conflicting eyewitnesses.

“Wait Sylvain.” Byleth held up a hand as Sylvain shot to his feet, obviously ready to storm out of the room. “We located a possible hideout to where they are being kept.”

“Then what are you doing here?” he snapped. As if realizing who he was talking to, Sylvain cleared his throat and looked away. “Sorry, I understand people in your position have a lot more to think about than one person.”

“We just got the confirmation for it this afternoon. Worst time with the party tonight but what can you do?” Khalid shrugged. “Anyway, we are planning on launching an assault tomorrow with a small and elite crew. Byleth and I are personally going ourselves along with a few others.”

“I had you informed of what is occurring to ask if you would like to join us as well,” continued Byleth.

“Of course.” The look in Sylvain’s eyes was clear and Byleth knew that despite his emotional connection, he would be able to push it to the side for the mission. “Just like old times Professor.”

“We’ll leave at dawn. I’ll have someone send you the details of the meeting point and whatnot later.” Byleth looked at Sylvain sadly. “I’m sorry that I ruined any fun you might have at the party.”

Sylvain shook his head. “It’s alright Professor. I wasn’t going to have much fun anyway.” He grimaced. “I’m probably going to head back to my room and prepare if you don’t mind. Uh, congratulations by the way.”

“Are you sure about this?” asked Khalid with a frown after Sylvain left.

“I think it will be fine,” said Byleth. “Sylvain has a keen mind, he’ll be able to still make good decisions.”

“I’m worried about what condition we’ll find Bernadetta in,” said Khalid with a grimaced. “Based upon the first hand accounts we have from Lysithea…”

Byleth’s nails dug into her palms. “Well, we have to make sure that won’t happen.”

Khalid walked around the table and took her hands in his, gently rubbing at her knuckles until she relaxed her almost death grip. “We did the best we could with what information we had. It was just poor timing that we got the confirmation today. Canceling the party would raise more suspicion if they are watching our every move. Now you need to give me a smile Byleth, we need to go out there and make it seem like nothing is wrong.”

“I don’t know how you managed to keep up a smile for the whole war Khalid. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I didn’t have any emotions.”

Khalid put his arms around her and pressed her head to his shoulder. “Don’t ever say that Byleth, your emotions are a big part of you.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” She pulled back and put on the best regal smile she could. “Let’s get out there and accept the congratulations for our wedding shall we?”

***

_A Couple Days Later_

Byleth pulled the sword of the creator out of the member of Those Who Slither In The Dark. The body slumped to the ground as she looked around to see if there was another waiting for her in the shadows. Her shoulders relaxed, realizing the room was now clear of thugs.

“You okay Byleth?” Khalid stepped into the room, Failnaught strapped to his back, a sword in hand. This underground laboratory had sharp corners and a low ceiling, not conducive to using a bow.

“What do you take me for?” She rolled her eyes before beginning to do a sweep of the room of any important papers or documents to give a hint of what was happening here or even where Bernadetta and Marianne were being kept. They had found a few prisoners so far, and Byleth ordered Leonie to be in charge of making sure they were taken to safety. Flayn and Lindhart were on standby outside at a safe distance, ready to heal the injured as needed.

“It just seems to be research documents,” said Claude, picking up a pile of papers on the table closest to him. “Do we even have time to be reading this now?”

Byleth gestured to the still body. “He was very keen on getting to this room.” She walked over to the table he was struggling to reach before Byleth ran her sword through him. She frowned as she skimmed through the documents on the table. Apparently they were running a new crest experiment. Damn, apparently they were after Marianne and her crest of the Beast.

Byleth cursed as she read the next section. “Claude, where’s Sylvain?”

“I think he was heading for the back room.”

Byleth tossed the papers at him before racing out of the room.

***

“Where is Bernie!?” snarled Sylvain as he pointed the Lance of Ruin at the latest member of Those Who Slither In the Dark he found.

The member was thankfully not wearing a mask so Sylvain was able to catch the slight shift of the eyes that pointed further down the hall. Sylvain shoved the lance deep into the man’s gut and pulled it out in one smooth motion before racing down the hall. In the back of his mind, he registered cells filled with people, some in half grotesque forms and others crying in pain but Sylvain ignored them, his focus on finding the one person he was here for.

At the end of the hallway was a large wooden door with strips of metal running through it. It looked so out of place with everything else in this place that he was taken aback for a moment. Was Bernie in there?

He tried the door handle and was relieved when it turned. He pushed it open, his nose wrinkling from the smell wafting out of it. He didn’t really have a name to the scent, it smelled like musk and the feral wild. Sort of like the boars that roamed the countryside in Faerghus only on a much larger scale.

Cautiously, he stepped into the room, using the Lance of Ruin as a source of light. The room was large, the shadows deep. The only light came from a hole in the ceiling in what looked to be the center of the space. He made out some long thick chains that extended into the darkness along with what appeared to be purple fabric.

Frowning, he made his way into the room, looking for something, anything. This place just looked too off, too big for there to be nothing in it.

Something crunched under his foot and he looked down to see he had stepped on a metal chain. After a quick look to make sure nothing was amiss, he bent down and picked it up, his heart freezing in his chest. A silver locket with vine and swirling patterns engraved in the front. He knew this locket well, he had been the one to pick it out, he had been the one to put it around her neck, asking her if the chain was too short or if he should get her one much longer. She had giggled and put her hands over it, saying that it was perfect the way it was and this way whenever they were apart she could always keep Sylvain close.

The chains rattled.

Sylvain’s head snapped upwards to see a large shape, the chains rattling as it let out a bestial roar. He shoved the locket in his pocket, his heart not having any time to break as he stared down the large creature. A bear, he was able to make out in the limited light. One that was larger normal, the fur matted and covered in grime. The claws were long, sharp and cruel as they skidded on the stone floor.

“You bastard.” Sylvain adjusted his grip on the lance, all of his sorrow being channeled into rage. Did they throw her in here to be eaten by this thing? She probably didn’t have a weapon and was unable to fight back. Did she scream as those claws ripped into her? Did she try to crawl away but the bear stopped her? Was she calling for Sylvain to save her?

The bear beast roared and charged towards him however it bounced backwards, a collar around the neck preventing it from getting close enough to hit Sylvain with its claws.

Sylvain didn’t wait, he charged at the beast, ducking under the claws and bringing up the lance against its side. Blood sprayed, wetting him in the process but he didn’t care as he whirled around and attacked it again. The bear roared, spittle flying as it swung the claws at him but Sylvain ducked, feeling the wind catching his hair as he brought up the lance and cut the bear in the arm.

He didn’t curse, he didn’t scream at it, he fought with a cool efficiency, detached from his body. The bear’s claws skidded off his armor and he could feel the force behind the blow. In the back of his mind, he knew he would be bruised tomorrow and he might have broken a rib but he didn’t register the pain. It was nothing to probably what Bernie felt.

The lance sought blood and he gave it blood. Sylvain used the fact the bear was manacled to his advantage, jumping out of its range and then sliding inwards to attack before leaving the range again. The bear was weakening, the attacks lessening in intensity.

Sylvain let himself smile slightly as his lance tore into one of its paws and the rendering crack as he managed to hit just at the right angle to make a bone break was incredibly sweet. Along with the screams of pain from the bear as it stumbled and fell, barely able to hold itself up.

“Not so strong now that your prey can fight back huh?” Sylvain said coldly, walking up to the head. His lance dripped with blood, the various prongs shaking in excitement. “Were you happy when you ate her?” He scoffed. “You probably don’t even remember to be honest.”

The bear looked up at him with gray eyes and in the back of his mind he registered how familiar they were. It growled, but exhaustion seemed to be taking over its body, or it might be the blood that was pooling around it.

Sylvain felt himself crack slightly as he thought about _her_. Her cute smile, how her eyes lit up whenever she told him a story of hers. How she always seemed to be able to sense when he was upset and comfort him by just holding his hand and leaning into him.

“Bernie,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. She was gone and it was this bastard-no, Those Who Slither in the Dark’s fault. He adjusted his grip on his lance, positioning it above the bear’s head. “This is for Bernie,” he said coldly.

Before he could plunge the lance into the bear’s head, the lance was struck by something and it was thrown out of his hands and skidded to the ground. He looked back in surprise to see Byleth shifting the sword of the creator out of the whip state and back into a sword.

“Thanks Seiros I made it in time.” Byleth hurried over and kneeled next to the bear, seemingly focused on checking its injuries. “Shit, glad I got Claude to go get Flayn. We need to heal these injuries right away.”

“What are you talking about!?” snapped Sylvain. He went to retrieve his lance, anger surging within him. What gave Byleth the right to save this bear? As he returned, she looked at him cautiously, one hand on the hilt of her sword.

“I found the locket I gave Bernie.” He took it out of his pocket and shoved it in Byleth’s face. “She would never take it off. This bear-thing killed her,” he spat. “Step aside Professor.” Her being his Queen be damned.

Claude hurried into the room, Flayn a couple steps behind him. She gasped, upon seeing the sight of the bear.

“Flayn please, do whatever you can with your healing magic to stabilize,” commanded Byleth, her eyes not leaving Sylvain.

“Of course,” she said, rushing forward, her hands glowing with magic.

Claude turned and stood guard at the door, Failnaught in hand.

Before Sylvain could push Flayn to the side, Byleth roughly grabbed Sylvain’s arm and pulled him away from Flayn and the bear.

“What are you doing!?” he snarled, pulling his arm out of her grasp. “You got revenge for what happened with your father, I should be allowed this. Let me…let me avenger her…” He looked helplessly as Flayn’s magic surrounded the bear, healing the injuries he worked so hard to inflict on it.

“Sylvain, the bear did not kill her. This bear is Bernadetta.”

Sylvain froze and looked at Byleth. “You’re…you’re joking right. Cause this isn’t funny Professor.”

Byleth shook her head. “We found a bunch of research notes in one of the rooms. Apparently they implanted Bernadetta with a second crest, Marianne’s crest of the Beast.”

“No…no…no…no…” The Lance of Ruin clanged to the ground and Sylvain ran his hands through his hair. “That’s not…you have to be lying. I didn’t…” He pulled his hands away, realizing they were covered in blood and if Byleth was correct, Bernie’s blood. “I…I didn’t hurt her. I promised to never hurt her.”

“You didn’t know Sylvain,” Byleth said gently. “With the evidence you had…”

“You don’t know for sure right that the bear is her? It is possible that it isn’t?”

“I’ve stabilized the injuries as best as I could,” said Flayn, cautiously stepping back. “However I fear to heal anymore and have her attack.”

“Lysithea’s coming,” called out Claude, stepping to the side to let the girl through.

“It took me a bit but I found it.” Lysithea handed a vial to Byleth. “There’s a few more in the batch but from what I found in the notes, by drinking this it should reverse the transformation, although I’m not sure how long it will last.”

“Thank you Lysithea.” Byleth took the vial from her and walked over to the now stirring bear. Sylvain watched numbly as Byleth handed the vial to Flayn before forcing the bear’s mouth open. Without hesitation or fear, Flayn poured the liquid into the bear’s mouth. Byleth forced the mouth closed, keeping it together as the bear struggled a bit before beginning to change.

The form was shrinking, the collar around the neck falling off, the manacles on the paws slipping off. The fur receded, the skin left behind naked and pink. Purple hair but the roots were coming in white. So much blood. Her arm was twisted, broken from when Sylvain had shoved the Lance of Ruin into it, lacerations on her arms, legs, chest. Flayn got straight to work, her healing magic going in take care of the bleeding injuries, Lysithea assisting with the bit of healing magic she had as well.

Sylvain numbly took in all of this, as he stumbled over and kneeled next to her still form. “Bernie…” he whispered, reaching a shaky hand to her cheek. Her skin was cold and he could feel a weak breath on his hand, a breath that was barely clinging to any shred of life. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, barely registering Byleth taking off her coat and putting it on Bernie’s form.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Bernie…”


	2. Chapter 1

Bernadetta opened her eyes and the first thing that registered was how bright the room was. How long had it been since she had last seen sunlight? Where was she though? The ceiling was too bright, too white for the dark cell that had been her home for…how long had it been?

She shifted her eyes downwards, noting she was in a bed with white sheets, her left arm held in place by a wooden splint. On her right, she saw a mop of red hair. Sylvain. He was asleep, using his arms as a pillow, his hand clutched tightly around hers.

Odd that she couldn’t really feel his warmth. Sylvain was a warm-blooded person, her own personal heater at times. However it was like there was a cold barrier between them, his warmth not seeping into her fingers.

She tried to move her fingers and was glad to see they obeyed her command. It wasn’t like she had lost feeling, it was just that her sense of touch was off.

The movement made Sylvain stir and he opened his eyes and looked around confused until his eyes settled on Bernadetta. “Bernie!” He shot to his feet, yelling for the doctor.

“Sylvain…what happened?” Her voice was hoarse, like she had not used it in a long time.

He grabbed a cup of water from the side table and after helping her sit up, he handed it to her. Her right hand shook, barely able to keep the cup steady and Sylvain put his hand over hers and helped her bring it to her lips. It tasted warm as it traveled down her throat.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, giving her a once over. “Anything weird?”

There was something odd in his eyes. He would not look her straight on, a slight haunting look behind them. She had not seen that look in his eyes since the war. What had happened?

Before she could ask, a doctor entered the room along with a few nurses. Bernadetta had to focus on their questions and prodding, her thoughts about Sylvain having to be pushed to the side for now. Was she feeling alright? Any pulling to her stitches? Her arm was setting okay but even with healing magic assisting, it needed another day or two. She answered them to the best of her ability but whenever she asked any questions about how she got here or what happened, all of her questions were shot down, the doctor saying to wait for “her majesty.”

Throughout all this, Sylvain hovered nearby. Bernadetta wasn’t embarrassed about him seeing her in a state of undress as the doctors checked her back and chest. They were close enough that cuddling naked wasn’t a foreign concept. The thing that surprised Bernadetta was the host of new scars and bruises and stitches. However asking for any details met her with the same level of impasse.

Once the doctor and nurses were satisfied, they left Bernadetta with a light meal and went on their way. 

“The Professor or Claude will be here soon,” said Sylvain, taking up his previous spot. “They’re in a meeting but wanted to know right away when you woke up.” Seeing Bernadetta’s hand was still shaky, he took the spoon from her and scooped up some soup. After blowing on it to cool it down, he put it up to her lips and she willing opened her mouth and drank it.

Much like the outside of her, she couldn’t feel the taste as it went down or register the temperature. “Sylvain, what happened?” she whispered. “I…I don’t remember much at all.”

“What do you remember?” he asked.

Again with that slightly haunted look. He seemed to be searching for something in her expression, his eyes wandering briefly to her hair before settling back on her face.

“I remember the two robed men and my father…” She bit her lip, the thought coiled with a dark memory.

Sylvain put down the spoon and grasped her uninjured hand tight. “The Professor took care of him. He can’t do anything like that to you again Bernie.”

What did he mean by that? Before she could ask for clarification, he picked up the spoon and offered her more soup.

She dutifully swallowed it, again off-put by the lack of taste. It couldn’t be right though. The soup in the bowl had soft vegetables floating in it, and she could smell faint traces of spices. However her hands couldn’t feel the warmth of the bowl, and the taste just did not register. What was wrong with her?

“What else do you remember?”

She could pick up something else in the edge of his words. It was how he talked to people he didn’t trust, a prodding question said in a casual way. Was he looking for something in particular from her? What could it be though? And why was he talking like this with her? Sylvain was always upfront with her, that was one of the reasons why they trusted each other so much, why she spilled so much of her past with him and him the same to her. And yet why was he talking to her in that guarded way?

“Bernie? Does it hurt? Do you need more herbs?”

The concern in his eyes made her dismiss those thoughts. Sylvain was Sylvain, maybe she was just tired and not able to read the situation right. That was probably it. “Well, I don’t remember too much. It…I was in a dark cell and there were people around, members of the Those Who Slither In The Dark in hoods so I didn’t get to see their faces.”

Bernadetta shivered as she pulled up those vague memories. “I…remember them talking about Marianne, something about her crest and then they took me out of the cage and strapped me to a table.” She had fought, kicked, and screamed, the memory of the training her father had put her through coming back in full force. She wrapped her arm around herself, her breathing coming out shaky. “I…I can’t remember much after that. Just a lot of pain…fear…blood…”

She could feel herself falling into the memory, into the pain and fear. No, she knew going back there was not what she wanted.

“Bernie!”

Sylvain’s voice was so far away, his words one of alarm. She looked up at him, registering her vision was weird, the edges too sharp. And the smell! Sylvain reeked of danger. Danger and pain, his scent making her fear. She needed to fight back, she needed to stop him from hurting her again.

***

Byleth didn’t know if she should be grateful or not for Bernadetta waking up during a meeting with the local nobles. Khalid had gestured for her to go, he would be able to handle it on his own. Yes, she felt bad for leaving Khalid alone to fend for himself but she had to admit he was much better at handling nobles than she was. Sometimes she appreciated the old days when the only thing she had to worry about was making sure no one dangerous was left alive.

She heard a loud crash from ahead of her and she instinctively drew her sword and rushed forward, registering it was coming from the infirmary. She burst into the room, immediately taking in the scene.

Sylvain was lying on the floor, Bernadetta pining him to the ground. It could have been taken as romantic except for the brown fur that coated her arms, her fingers half transformed into claws. Her face was elongated slightly, the beginning of a bear snout, her mouth open revealing a row of sharp teeth. Sylvain was trying to push her back, using his arms to protect his face and neck from her trying to reach down and bite him.

Byleth rushed over and Bernadetta looked up as Byleth tackled her, pinning her to the ground. Byleth held Bernadetta’s wrists in place and used her body to prevent the girl from getting up. Bernadetta roared and fought back, tugging against Byleth but thankfully it seemed like she had not transformed far enough for the bear strength to take over. After a minute or two, Bernadetta’s struggling subsided and her body relaxed, the fur retreating, her teeth shrinking. Byleth released her and Bernadetta blinked slowly and sat up, her body shaking.

Byleth looked to Sylvain and saw he seemed to be mirroring Bernadetta, his body shaking as he looked at Bernadetta like he didn’t really know her.

“We better get that arm looked at again,” Byleth said curtly. “I think you broke your splint.”

“Huh? Uh…yeah.” Bernadetta flexed her left arm. “I…I don’t think I need the splint. My arm works fine.”

“Let’s get it checked anyway.” Byleth got up and helped Bernadetta get back into the bed. “Sylvain, go get the doctor to come back here.” She frowned, realizing Sylvain was still staring at Bernadetta, half dazed. “Sylvain,” she said sharply.

“Huh? Oh. Right Professor.”

“Wait for me in the hallway. We will have a discussion after this.”

He slowly got to his feet and after giving Bernadetta one final look, he slipped out of the room.

“Professor…what…” Bernadetta stared at her hands. “I…I didn’t. What…Is Sylvain okay?”

“Bernadetta, you need to remain calm for me okay? I’ll explain everything but you need to listen closely and remain calm.” Byleth glanced at the doctor that came in and gestured out of Bernadetta’s sight. Probably best to give her a sedative. Just in case.

***

Sylvain sat in the hallway, his knees pulled to his chest, his head buried in them. What in the world was he doing? He should be in there, by Bernie’s side, as Byleth explained everything to her. Instead he was out here, his stomach roiling over itself in turmoil.

He should not have asked her those questions. Lysithea had made it clear, when Bernie woke up, they needed to break it to her slowly. They needed to ask her questions, slowly pull the truth from her and break the news to her about what had happened.

He couldn’t wait.

He was a selfish prick.

He needed to know if she remembered. Did she remember him attacking her? Did she remember him threatening to kill her? And what else did she remember? He had to know what those bastards did to her. What made her hair turn white and how her eyes looked exhausted and haunted when she woke up. He needed to know for himself and not her.

That’s the kind of person he was right? At least that’s what Ingrid always seemed to say. He was a selfish bastard who only cared about what he wanted and nothing else. He thought with Bernie it was different. He did things for her, he cared and loved her, he laid his heart and soul bare for her. And yet, in the end, it was all about him wasn’t it?

He touched his shoulder, the bruises on the back starting to smart. He had barely a moment to register Bernie shifting before his eyes before she tackled him into the hard stone floor. It took all of his strength to keep her half transformed maw away from hitting anything vital, in the back of his mind, he still hesitated. He probably could have thrown her off him. A quick knee to the stomach probably would stun her and he could then force her off.

It was Bernie though.

Even if she was trying to rip his throat out, it was still her. It wasn’t her fault she was like this now. It was his that she was triggered enough to transform.

He heard footsteps approach and stop in front of him. Looking up, he saw Byleth looking down at him. “Walk with me.”

Sylvain got to his feet and fell in step with Byleth. Like always the professor’s back was straight, her eyes forward. He rarely saw her crack under pressure, rarely she would act before thinking. If she had been there earlier, this would not have happened. Like always, Sylvain screwed things up.

“I told her everything she needed to know. About what state we found her in, her curse, everything.”

Sylvain gulped. “How did she take it?”

“As well as she could. We’re probably going to need her moved soon. The infirmary isn’t a good place to keep someone so…” Byleth paused, seemingly searching for a word. “Volatile,” she said finally.

“Volatile?” That was the last word he would use to describe Bernie. She was sweet, kind, gentle.

She tried to kill him.

“We’re going to work on getting a room set up for her in the palace. It should be done in the next day or two. My question to you Sylvain, is what will you be doing?” Byleth turned her head slightly towards him.

“Me?”

“Yes you. Will you remain in the palace while we try to figure out ways to help her control this or will you be going home?” 

“She probably doesn’t even want me here Professor.” He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, forcing a laidback smile on his face. “I did try to kill her after all.”

Byleth frowned as she took in Sylvain’s expression. “She was looking for you,” she said softly. “She apparently remembered shifting and trying to jump on top of you. She wanted to know if you were okay.”

Sylvain swallowed. That was like her wasn’t it? Always caring about him, always checking if he was okay. He was the selfish one, who always thought about himself, always thought about protecting himself.

Byleth stopped in front of a closed door, opened it and stepped inside, beckoning Sylvain to follow. A small library and study space. Byleth shut the door behind them and Sylvian couldn’t help but quip, “Professor, people are going to get the wrong idea.”

Byleth rolled her eyes. “I’m the queen. What I do is my business. Anyway, I wanted us away from any prying eyes and ears for a moment.” She walked to the window and stared down at the street. “Professor Hanneman was able to confirm it for us with his crest research.”

“Confirm what?”

“Bernadetta now has two crests.”

“She…what?” Sylvain stared at Byleth, waiting for a punchline.

“Besides her own, she now also has the crest of the beast, Marianne’s crest. Her hair coming in white is a side effect of that.”

“She…what does that mean for her?” He had heard of what it meant for Lysithea. Her lifespan was reduced, she had suffered torture at the hands of Those Who Slither In The Dark. Did Bernie suffer the same way?

“Honestly, we’re not sure, we’re still going over all the paperwork from that lab. But they were obviously planning something, and considering we still don’t know where Marianne is…” She shook her head. “However, leave that to us. My question for you Sylvain is what will you do with this information? Bernadetta doesn’t have as much control over herself at the moment.”

“She didn’t transform when you spoke with her though.” Sylvain stared at the wall, trying to read the names of the books on the shelves. Of course Byleth was able to speak with her without inciting her wrath.

“I had her sedated.”

“You what?” Sylvain focused on Byleth with wide eyes.

“She needed to remain calm and I didn’t want to run the risk of her transforming. Thankfully it worked, although I don’t know how much information she was able to absorb but she was able to give us some account of what happened to her before she fell asleep. I wanted to let you know, Claude and I will do everything in our power to stop Those Who Slither In The Dark.”

“Yeah…” Sylvain rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks for that Professor.”

“Now back to my previous question. What is your plan Sylvain? Will you be staying here to care for her or will you be returning home?”

“I…” He thought of Bernie sitting that hospital bed, shivering as the memories threatened to overtake her. How he asked those questions, pushed her until she half shifted. How he threatened to kill her back in the lab.

“Go and see her, give me your answer by tomorrow,” said Byleth softly.

“Professor…”

Byleth walked to the door and opened it. “I have business to attend to now but send a message to me with your decision. I need to make arrangements on my end.”

Before Sylvain could protest, Byleth was gone.

“Damn Professor, you’re not really giving me much of a choice, are you.” He headed back to the infirmary and saw Bernie was fast asleep in the bed, one arm hanging off the bed, the splint no longer on her arm.

He gently picked up her arm and tucked it under the blankets, making sure to cover her all the way to her chin. Being from the south, she was not good with the cold and the infirmary was a little drafty. He pushed a few strands of hair out of her face and gently caressed her cheek with a knuckle. The sedatives were probably super strong as she didn’t even stir from his touch.

Besides the white hair growing in, she looked like she always did and he could have mistaken her for just being under a normal sleep. However this was anything but wasn’t it? As he stared at her face he remembered how her crumpled body looked when she transformed back in Those Who Slither’s lab. He didn’t apologize to her for that did he? Even if she didn’t remember it, he still hurt her and he needed to fess up to it. And perhaps helping her would be the way to do that. He bent down and gently kissed her forehead. “I’ll be with you Bernie, don’t worry.”


	3. Chapter 2

This was not a bedroom, it was a jail cell. Of course it didn’t look like a jail cell, it was a set of rooms in the palace, a bedroom with a plush bed, a side study room and even a personal bathroom with a claw-foot tub. Bernadetta noted the guards that stood outside her door. For “protection” but she knew their purpose was to keep an eye on her.

“Dang Bernie, you’re living the life.” Sylvain whistled as he wandered her many rooms. “Holy crap, you even have your own personal library! Look at all these books.”

Bernadetta followed Sylvian into the room in question and she tried to smile as she gazed at the shelves of books. It was nice and quaint, a comfortable couch in the center where she could cuddle up and read a book. Maybe. A cage was still a cage, no matter how nicely it was dressed up.

“You feeling okay Bernie?” Sylvain hurried over to her and took her hands in his, gently rubbing his thumbs along her knuckles. It was still off-putting how she couldn’t feel the warmth of his hands. Or maybe it wasn’t, she wasn’t normal now after all. She was like Lysithea, something abnormal but even moreso. She could turn into a monster at a moment’s notice. She was probably the most dangerous thing in the palace right now.

“Bernie, is your arm hurting?” Sylvain gently touched her left arm, his fingers gently gliding over her forearm. His brow was furrowed as he stared intently at her arm and Bernadetta remembered how he oddly seemed focused on it. Even when she was in the infirmary, he would touch her arm or stare intently at it.

In fact, he overall seemed off around her. Sure he tried to play it off with a bright smile or encouraging words, but it was there, in the depths of his eyes. It was like he was holding something back, or trying to find something in her expression.

“My arm is fine,” she said quickly, realizing he was waiting for a response. “I think it might be nice to sit in here and read a book for a bit.”

“You’re not tired from the trip over from the infirmary right?”

She shook her head. “I’m okay. Although, are you okay Sylvain?” She reached up and gently cupped his face. “You look tired, have you been sleeping at all recently?

He chuckled. “Maybe you should worry about yourself a bit more Bernie. I’m fine.” He put his hands over hers. “Do…do you remember anything from before? Like when we saved you?”

She shook her head. “I don’t. It’s all a pretty big blur to be honest. Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” he said quickly.

She narrowed her eyes. “Sylvain, what are you hiding?”

“I’m not hiding anything, really.”

She curled her hands into fists. “You’re lying,” she whispered.

His wince and the way his eyes shifted to stare at a wall was telling.

“What aren’t you telling me Sylvain?” She thought back to the conversations they had in the infirmary and even the one right now. It always seemed to come back to him asking her if she remembered anything about the day when she was found in the lab. She had dismissed it as him just being caring but maybe it was more than that? “Sylvain, what happened the day you found me?” she whispered.

“It…it’s nothing, really.” He went to move away but Bernadetta grabbed his arm. “Bernie, come on now, it’s nothing. It’s just me being curious, that’s all.”

She shook her head. “I know you Sylvain, you wouldn’t be asking me over and over again unless it means something to you. Something happened didn’t it? Please tell me!”

He let out a small grunt of pain and he gritted his teeth. She looked down and realized her fingernails had turned into bear claws and she was digging into his arm, blood pooling from the puncture wounds. She yelped and released him, stumbling back, the transformed hand clutched against her chest. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s okay Bernie.” He rolled up his sleeve and she wanted to cry as she got a good look at the wounds. It was like five daggers had cut into his skin, the blood free-flowing. He looked at her face and then put his arm behind him. “I’m going to go get this looked at, I’ll be right back.”

She nodded numbly. She knew there was nothing to she could do to help him right now, but to see those cuts on him… 

As he left, she realized her hand had returned to normal, blood now on her fingertips. Sylvain’s blood. Her nose twitched at the scent of iron and she rushed to the bathroom to wash it off, furiously scrubbing her hand.

Her skin was turning red but she kept on scrubbing. Maybe if she scrubbed hard enough it would get rid of the thing inside of her.

***

Again Sylvian had to be a selfish prick. He stepped out of the infirmary, the wounds on his arm healed up. He had seen the look on the faces of the guards as he stepped out with his bloody arm. Pity and horror. One had called out to him, to ask if he was okay and Sylvain responded that he was and it was just an accident. He could see it in their eyes. They thought of her as a monster, something that needed to be contained and suppressed. Heck, it probably confused them to why they had to protect someone so dangerous.

He knew her though. He saw how her eyes widen and she moved away from him. Normally he would have hugged her until she calmed down but his arm was bloody and the guilt was too strong in her expression. She would have hyper focused on his bloody arm, not the comfort he was trying to bring her.

He hurried back to her rooms, ignoring the pitying look of the guards as he entered. The first thing he noticed was the sound of water coming from the bathroom.

“Bernie? I’m feeling better.” He stepped into the bathroom and let out a few curses, rushing to her side.

Bernie was washing her hands vigorously, steam rising from how hot the water was, her hands bright red. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands away from the water, wincing as the hot water grazed his skin. How could water from a tap be so boiling hot!?

She looked up at him surprise, as if startled to see him there. “Sylvain…”

“Bernie, what were you doing?!” He looked down at her hands, holding her by the wrists as he examined them. There were a few places where the skin was bleeding slightly. Did she rub her hands so hard that it caused her to bleed?

“I was just…washing off the blood,” she stammered. “Your blood.”

“Why was the water so hot?”

“It…was?” She looked at the faucet slowly, like she had never seen it before.

“What do you mean it was? Didn’t it hurt? Bernie, your hands are bright red.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, looking down at the ground. “I’m sorry Sylvain.”

He bit back any other retort that was trying to escape his lips. That wouldn’t help anything right now. “Let me go tell a guard to call a healer for your hands.” He released her wrists.

“It’s okay Sylvain…”

“Bernie…”

She held up her hands and Sylvian saw her skin of her palms were slowly shifting back to normal, the bleeding spots already scabbing over. “I’m not normal anymore.”

He hugged her tight, his face buried in her hair. “You are normal,” he whispered. “You’re you Bernie and nothing can change that, no matter what anyone says.” He pulled back and rested his hands on either side of her face so she would look at him and he could feel her tears seeping into his palms. “You are Bernadetta von Varley, my best friend and the best writer I have ever known.”

She shut her eyes, her body shaking as she nodded. “I…I’m normal.”

“You are. This is only a hiccup, we’ll figure it out.” He removed his hands but put an arm around her as he guided her out of the bathroom and onto the small couch in the parlor. He sat down and pulled her into his lap, loosely wrapping his arms around her waist.

She leaned into him and he was glad to note her shivers were subsiding.

“How are your hands?” he whispered.

She lifted them for him to see and he could see they were almost back to their normal color. “They’re…fine now but…”

“But?” he prompted. Based on her tone of voice she was most likely biting her lip. “You don’t have to hide anything from me.”

“I can’t feel anything.”

“What?”

“I can’t feel temperature. Like I couldn’t feel the warmth from your hands and now, I know you’re there Sylvain but I can’t feel your warmth against my back. And…the water…I didn’t know how warm it was. It just feels the same for me.”

Sylvain could only listen in horror as Bernie gave more examples of her inability to feel temperature. “And…I can’t taste anything anymore. Ever since I woke up in the infirmary, all the food I’ve eaten has tasted like nothing.”

“You haven’t been able to taste anything?” he whispered. He remembered how he always made sure the infirmary brought up her favorite foods and he had plans to have her favorite desserts delivered up to this palace room so they could eat it together. What would be the point of that if she couldn’t taste it?

He hugged her tighter, wishing he could wave a magic wand and fix everything wrong with her. Or perhaps go back in time to stop her father from selling her in the first place. If only he could save her from all of this.

“We’ll figure it out Bernie,” he promised. “The Professor and Claude are working hard and well, you know them as well as I do. If anyone can do it, it is them.” He was glad Bernie wasn’t looking at him because then she would see how much he worried about them being able to do so. “I mean, they made miracles happen right?”

“True…” she murmured.

“So if anyone can solve this it would be them. Just have faith okay?”

“Okay…” She turned to face him, the movement so sudden that he jumped, Bernie’s face dangerously close to his, her hands resting on his chest. He hated how in the back of his mind, he thought about how easy it would be for Bernie to turn her hands into claws and reach into his chest and stab his heart at this angle. He dismissed the thought. She would never do that.

At least on purpose.

“What is it Bernie?” he asked with a slightly awkward smile.

“What happened?” Her gray eyes darted across his face, like she was searching for something. “When you found me, what happened?”

“Bernie, that’s…I don’t think you knowing would be good right now.”

He was aware of how her fingers curled inward, pulling some of the fabric of his shirt with it. However, thankfully, she didn’t shift. Her nails didn’t turn into claws as she turned around so her back was against his. He hated how his body relaxed, not even realizing he had been so tense. He was never tense around Bernie. She was safe, a beacon in the dark of night, the one person he could truly be himself with. And yet he was scared of her.

She turned over and curled against himself, her head resting on his chest and Sylvain kept his arms loosely around her, gently stroking her hair. Soon enough Claude and Byleth would get the answers and everything would go back to normal.

***

Byleth let out a long sigh and tossed the paper on the table before rubbing her eyes.

“That was the saddest sigh I’ve heard from you in a long time.” Khalid glanced over from his desk. Like her desk, his was piled with papers they had gotten from the Those Who Slither In the Dark’s lab. They had cleaned it out and took to reading all the files themselves. Most of it was jargon that Byleth couldn’t even dream of understanding but a few she was able to extract at least some useful data out of.

The main one being that Those Who Slither in the Dark were trying to create a weapon they could use to fight against Byleth’s reign. They wanted to use their crest research but alter it. Somehow they managed to get wind of Marianne’s crest and decided to use her crest and see how it would react with another. The next couple of pages were dedicated to describing in detail how they performed the experiment to give Bernadetta, Marianne’s crest. It was appalling, maddening even. The things they had to do to her, Byleth was grateful that Bernadetta didn’t seem to remember much of it. She knew there was no way she could show this file to Sylvain either. The vengeance he would want to reap on the Those Who Slither In the Dark….

“I feel like we got a lot of information and yet don’t have enough.” Byleth gestured to the papers. “We might know the process of how multiple crests can be implemented into a person but we don’t know where Marianne is or if there is a way to reverse the effect on Bernadetta. Or even if it is possible to remove a crest.”

“I think there would be many that would be happy if we could find a way to remove crests, no matter how painful it is.” Khalid put down the papers he was looking at, got up from his desk and walked over to her, putting his arms around her and resting his head on top of hers. “Come on Teach, it’s not like you to get so down.”

She leaned into him and gently put a hand on top of his arm. “I know but it’s like we worked so hard and I thought we would finally get some peace and quiet but then this happens. Sometimes I wonder if the universe is telling me that we can never have peace.”

“Well then we’ll fight the universe back. I think I can come up with a scheme or two to get us out of this situation, don’t you think?”

Byleth couldn’t help but chuckle. Of course he would say that. She lightly slapped her cheeks. “Alright, enough moping, I wanted to get through most of this pile by tonight.”

Khalid let out a long sigh and released her. “I guess we won’t be able to enjoy the fruits of our marriage for a while will we?”

“Khalid…”

“I know, I know. We can relax after this mess is over.” He went back to his desk and picked up another sheet. “Alright what’s next…”


End file.
